


Baby Steps

by corgasbord



Category: Dangan Ronpa - All Media Types, New Dangan Ronpa V3: Everyone's New Semester of Killing
Genre: Alternate Universe - Non-Despair, Gen, Needles, Trans Characters, that's very important, they're all best friends - Freeform
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-04-07
Updated: 2017-04-07
Packaged: 2018-10-16 02:04:18
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,961
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/10561562
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/corgasbord/pseuds/corgasbord
Summary: Shuuichi is too nervous to take his first shot of T by himself, so he winds up getting help from someone who actually knows what she's doing.





	

**Author's Note:**

> brief cw: injections are described here, so heads up to anyone squicked by that!
> 
> ([tumblr](http://saimotatxt.tumblr.com/post/159309441785/baby-steps) link)

Shuuichi is excited to finally receive his first dose of testosterone, right up until the point where he has to actually administer the shot.

It _should_ be a simple enough process. All he has to do is clean the syringe, fill it with the correct dosage, and inject it directly into his thigh. There’s nothing remotely difficult or nerve-racking about that at all.

He repeats those reassurances in his head like a mantra as he draws the fluid from the vial into the needle. _You can do this. It isn’t hard. It won’t be_ that _painful. What are you even scared of, anyway?_ That doesn’t stop his hands from trembling faintly, though, even once he’s settled onto the edge of his bed to wipe a spot on his bare thigh clean.

Taking slow, deep breaths, he changes his approach, focusing instead on the payoff. He closes his eyes and imagines how nice it will be to not wear his voice out from the effort of forcing it to sound deeper, to fit into the kinds of pants he wants to wear, to maybe even start sprouting facial hair-

But when he moves to position the syringe, he promptly drops it. _Shit_.

He knows better than to try using it after that, but now he lacks the will to replace the needle with a clean one, so he decides to put it off for the time being. He’ll do it later, he thinks, after he’s taken some time to calm down and acclimate himself to the idea of jamming a needle into his quadriceps.

Except he doesn’t. If anything, the couple of days he spends procrastinating after that only make his anxiety worse. He can’t get over the nausea that comes with the thought of penetrating his own muscles, of possibly missing the mark, of not pushing it in quickly enough, or god forbid, of failing to notice an air bubble.

He’s well aware that there’s no reason for him to be so uneasy about something he’s already invested time and money in. He’s been looking forward to this step of his transition for so long that in the grand scheme of things, his fear is irrational. Besides, these injections are to be taken on a monthly basis, so he’s going to have to get used to it. It’s that and the shame that keeps him from asking his uncle for help; he’s not a baby, for god’s sake, he should be able to do it himself.

Still, he avoids it, trying not to think too much about it. He's only forced to confront the subject again when he has two of his best friends over at his house after school one day, and the more nosy of them decides to bring it up.

“Oh, by the way, Shuuichi- didn't you mention the other day that you finally got your prescription of T?”

Shuuichi glances over at Kaito, who’s staring at him from across the living room table, and shifts a bit to make it look like the hard floor he’s sitting on is the reason for his sudden discomfort. “Ah- yeah, I did.”

“Dude, nice,” Kaito congratulates him, grinning broadly. “And how’s that working for you?”

Shuuichi answers falteringly, “Well, I mean… it’s only been about three days, so even if I had taken the first dose right away, I doubt I’d notice much of a difference.”

Then Maki, who’s been sitting with them so quietly this whole time that Shuuichi almost forgot she was there, cuts in. “You haven’t taken it yet, have you.” It’s not a question, but a clear accusation, followed by ironclad reasoning. “You’d at least be getting side effects if you had.”

Shuuichi hesitates, not wanting to lie, but too embarrassed to admit to the truth.

Noticing his reluctance, Maki sighs. “Thought so. What’s the matter, are you afraid of needles? If that’s the case, you should’ve opted for the patch or something.”

“It’s not that I’m afraid of needles,” Shuuichi protests, looking down at his lap as a flush steadily creeps up his neck. “It’s just… I keep second-guessing myself, I suppose. Having to stick a needle into my own leg is bad enough, but I don’t want to do it incorrectly.”

“You wuss.” Maki snorts. “I’ll do it for you, if you need me to.”

His head snaps up in an instant, eyes wide with shock. “Wait, what?”

“You heard me,” Maki says nonchalantly. “If you’re too much of a baby to handle it yourself, then I’ll help. I’ve been taking my own shots since middle school, so it doesn’t bother me.”

“Damn, that long?” Kaito glances back and forth between the two of them, at least as surprised as Shuuichi and twice as lost, as he usually is when it comes to these matters. Still, he does his best to be supportive, remarking, “Well, I bet you know exactly what you’re doing, then.”

“I do. Not that I asked for your input.” Ignoring the way that Kaito sulks at that, Maki gives Shuuichi an expectant look. “So, do you want my help or not?”

Shuuichi thinks it over for several long moments, chewing absently at the inside of his cheek. Maki might be… _intense_ , for lack of a better word, but she’s still his friend, and the only other person he knows who understands what it’s like to transition. Plus, he doesn’t at all doubt that she knows what she’s doing, whereas he still can’t even trust his hands not to shake when he picks up a syringe.

So, in spite of any reservations he still harbors, he decides to take her up on her offer. “I mean, if you would be willing, then… sure.”

“Okay.” Maki stands and smooths her skirt, all business and no nonsense. “Show me where you keep it, then.”

Shuuichi tries to suppress his nerves as he follows suit, nodding. “Uh, right.”

With that, he heads to his room to find where he stashed his prescription, Maki trailing behind him. He retrieves it from the top drawer of his dresser and goes about preparing a needle, doing the best he can to sterilize everything with fumbling fingers.

Before long, Kaito appears in the doorway behind the two of them, probably out of a desire not to be left out. Maki doesn't even glance over her shoulder as she asks tersely, “Do you need to be in here for this?”

Even though the question was framed rhetorically, Kaito takes it upon himself to answer anyway. “I mean, not really, I _guess_. If Shuuichi wants me to leave, then I will.”

“Um, it’s fine. I don’t mind,” Shuuichi says as he fills the syringe. He knows Kaito has nothing to gain from watching this take place, and is just hanging around because he prefers the company.

“Hmph. Whatever,” Maki mutters indifferently, taking the syringe from Shuuichi once everything is in order. “You can just stand there, then. Unless you want to come over here and hold his hand, or something.”

“Oh. Well, okay,” Kaito agrees, immediately ambling over to do exactly that. This does nothing to help Shuuichi’s embarrassment, but he doesn’t argue.

Maki gives Kaito a withering look. “I wasn’t being serious, you idiot.”

Kaito shrugs. “So? It wasn’t a bad idea. Might make him feel less anxious.” Then he extends his free hand a bit in her direction with a smile. “Y’know, I have two hands, and you’re welcome to hold the other one.”

Maki swats him away. “No. If you’re going to be gross, leave me out of it.” Not giving Kaito any time to be offended by that, she redirects her attention to Shuuichi and stoically instructs, “Pull down your pants.”

… Right. Shuuichi had almost forgotten about that.

Ignoring how warm his face is starting to get, he uses one hand to tug his pants down past his hips and lets them fall. He feels rather ridiculous standing there in his boxers, pants pooled around his ankles while Maki crouches to wipe his thigh clean, but he tries not to think about that, or about the anxiety welling up in him again at the prospect of what’s to come.

Unfortunately, when he bows his head, his eyes end up locking onto the syringe, and it makes him tense reflexively. Maki is already lifting it towards him, however, and before he can even open his mouth to tell her to wait, she sticks his thigh with the needle, swift and precise.

He _squeaks_ , his grip on Kaito’s hand tightening, and it takes everything in him to stay still for the few seconds required to drain the syringe. Maki remains as unaffected as always, Shuuichi’s sudden and high-pitched noise not enough to make her even flinch. Kaito, on the other hand, watches for only a second before giving Maki a deeply unsettled look.

“ _Christ_ , Harumaki,” Kaito murmurs as Maki withdraws the needle at last, blood beading at the site of the puncture.

Maki doesn’t say anything. She just straightens up and goes to dispose of the needle, leaving Shuuichi to wipe at his thigh again and scramble to pull his pants back into place. Then he absently rubs at the sore spot left by the injection, cheeks still very pink, because that was almost mortifying. He can only be glad that Kaito and Maki were the only ones to witness his absolutely pitiful reaction to getting a shot.

Kaito puts his hands on his hips, giving his head a quick shake as if to brush off his obvious unease. “Well, uh. At least it’s only once a month, right?”

Shuuichi just nods, finding himself unable to make eye contact. He gets the sense that it was supposed to be less painful, and only actually hurt because he couldn’t relax. That would be a more comforting thought if it didn’t leave him wondering how he’s going to manage that when _he’s_ the one administering the shots.

Maki returns in almost as little time as it takes for Shuuichi to button his fly, setting the empty, clean syringe on top of his dresser. “You know, most of the little kids I know can take shots better than you.”

Shuuichi doesn’t doubt that, but the comment doesn’t help his already wounded pride. All he can do is stare at the floor and mumble a “Sorry.”

Maki raises one eyebrow. “What are you apologizing for? It’s more of an inconvenience to you than to me. The sooner you learn how to suck it up and get used to it, the easier it’ll be.” She pauses, expression serious, before reiterating, “You _will_ get used to it. Trust me.”

“Um. Right.” Well, he certainly hopes so. “Thank you, Harukawa-san.”

“Don’t mention it,” she replies with a curt nod. Somehow, he gets the feeling that she means the statement literally as well as figuratively.

Then she appears to hesitate for a second before adding, “If you really can’t do it yourself, just ask me for help next time instead of putting it off. That’s only going to make it harder on you in the long run.”

Shuuichi is too stunned by the offer to respond, so he’s almost grateful that Kaito jumps in to make an irrelevant observation. “Aww. If I didn’t know any better, I’d say you’re gettin’ all soft, Harumaki!”

“And make sure you don’t invite him,” Maki adds coldly, “or he’ll be the one getting stabbed.”

Shuuichi has to laugh at that in spite of Kaito’s indignant protests, but more out of relief than amusement. Even if he’d like to be able to handle his own doses, it’s nice to have someone to rely on for assistance, just in case.

Maybe the progress he’s been anticipating isn’t that far off, after all.

**Author's Note:**

> i need more content where these three are bffs and hang out and just do kinda mundane things like this together. please.


End file.
